Today's the Day Before the Big Day

After months of dragging my feet and avoiding the inevitable - I am breaking up with the BF and moving out of his home. This has been a long time coming but I. am. scared. But also, so very excited. My stomach aches like never before (ok, not really like "never" before, I always have stomach aches) but it aches so much right now from anxiety & nerves. I'm nervous about money - am i going to be able to pay for everything on my own? Will I always be broke? The answers to those two questions are yes and yes. I will be able to pay for everything but I will always be broke, most likely. Now, this is ok with me. I am fine with finding a part time job or working an hour of overtime everyday, for as long as I can until the bossman notices, in order to have some extra dough. A struggle it will be but what ISN'T a struggle, really? Life is a struggle - if you're not struggling you're not trying, right? Continuing on the road I was on for almost 4 years, always feeling like I was going to leave "one day" and now that "one day" is here. I already feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders and I haven't even signed the lease yet. I sign it tonite and give away a big wad of money. A wad of money not only to the owner of the property but to the electric company... who knew a deposit of $225 was due prior to the start of service? Seems a little exorbitant but whatever... I LOVE everything about the teeny little place I am renting so the money is just money. Ha! that's what I say NOW - get back with me in a month after I have gone thru one pay cycle for everything.